Simply Classics Forum

BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Beautiful Models Wanted
Bavarian Manure Wagon
Biggest Metal Waste
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Bring More Women
Bring More Wrenches
Bavarian Money Waster

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

ACURA
Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Idiot's Cat Killer

CADILLAC
Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions

CAMARO
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time

CHEVY
Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
Crap Hasn't Evolved Yet

CHRYSLER
Everyone knows who Lee Iacocca is right?  His name IACOCCA stands for:
I Am Chairman Of Chrysler Corporation America

Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair
Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally:  Electronic Robbery
Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions

DAEWOO
Damn All Engines With Oriental Operations
Damn Asian Engineering Works Only Occasionally

DODGE
Doesn't only die, gets eaten
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Design Of Diabolical German Engineer
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Damned Old Dudes Going Everywhere
Damn Overhauls Do Get Expensive
Dear Old Dad's Garbage Engine
Don't Our Dealers Gouge Everyone

FERRARI
Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively

FIAT
Found In A Trashcan
Finest Italian Automotive Technology
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
Failure In Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
Fix It Another Time

GM
General Maintenance
General Mistakes
Generally Malfunctions
General Misery
Great Mess
General Malpractice
Genital Motors
Give More 
Getting Malignant
Got Me

GMC
God's Mechanical Curse
Garage Man's Companion
Generic Motors Corporation
Got A Mechanic Coming?
Greatest Mistake Created
Great Mountain of Crap
Greasy Messy Contraption
Gay Man's Chevy
Generically Made Chevrolet
Gimme My Check book!
Get More Cash!

HONDA
Had One, Never Did Again
Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad's Assistance
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything 
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
Honda Options: No Deal Available!
Hold On, No Dealer Add-ons!

HUMMER
Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable
Huge Ugly Mother, Mostly Eats Resources

HYUNDAI
Here's Y U Never Drive An Import
Hope You Understand: Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive
Hardly Your Understanding New Dealer Allowance Incentive
Hold Your Usual Nitpicks, Designs Are Improved
Helps You Undergo New Debt After Inception
Hang Your Underwear Anywhere Inside
Hope You Understand, No Deals Available Inside

JEEP
Just Empty Every Pocket  (Sent in by a visitor)
Just Expect Every Problem (Sent in by a visitor)
Just Eats Every Penny
Just Everybody Else's Parts
Junk Everyone Eventually Piles
Just Expect Extra Payments

Jaguar
Just A Guess U Are Rich

Kia
Keep It Away!
Kick it Again
Korean Imitation Accord
Korea's Imported Accident
Killer's Imported Asset
Kiss It Away
Killed In Action
Keep Inside Asia
Korea Invades America
KOREAN INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT
Killer Implosion Awaits
Killed In Accident

LAMBORGHINI
Loser Always Maintains Big Old Rotten Gunk; Hardly Inflates Nobody's Image

LOTUS
Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious

Maserati
Must Also Suggest Extra Rope And Towing Implements
MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
Must Always Zoom Down Asphalt
Most Are Zealously Duped Always
     
MERCEDES
My Expensive Race Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke - But Efficiency Near Zero
Merger Engaged Reverse Chrysler Entering Decline Evident Soon

MITSUBISHI
Manufactured In Taiwan Sold Under British Influence Shipped Here Incomplete
Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behaviour, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents
May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside

MOPAR
Match Old Parts As Required
Most Often Parked At Roadside
Move Over, Power Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Runnin'
Move Over People Are Racing
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Motor On Pavement After Race
Moments Of Power Are Rare

NISSAN
Need I Say Something About Nothing
Never In Season Simply A No-show

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment

PONTIAC
Poor Old Ninny Thinks It's A Cadillac
Piece Of Nasty Tacky Icky Ass Crap
Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
Pretty Overpriced Not That I Am Concerned

PORSCHE
Plenty of Receipts. Sorry, Can't Have Everything
PLENTY OF REPAIRS SERVICE CAN'T HELP EVERYTHING
Proof Only Rich Snobby Children Have Everything



SAAB
Some Ass Actually bought it!
Styling Absent After Buyout
Sorry Auto Assembled Backwards
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sorry Assed American Buyers
Start Adding Additional Brake fluid
Stop Asking About Brakes!
Sorry As A Bum

SALEEN
Some Aristocrats Love Every Expensive Novelty

SATURN
Sorry Assed Transmission Under Repair Now
Some Argue That Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
Send Another Towtruck Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
Same American Trash Under Revised Name

SUBARU
Stupid Urbanites Bumbling Around Rural Areas
Souped Up Bad Ass Racing Unit
Souped Up Blazingly Awesome Racing Unit

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
To Operate Your Own Terrific Automobile
Tolerances Over Yielding, Often Towed Away
Toyota Overcharges You On Their Accessories

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options

VW
Virtually Worthless
Very Wonderful
Very Weird
Very Old Lowered Kinky Sedan With A Great Engine Noise